


The Evil Thing

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Naughty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:25:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Evil Thing had been a wedding gift from Will and Djaq, who had brought the strange, heavy and handwritten book with them when they visited from the Holy Land. Neither Guy nor Marian were able to read one single word of the book, but it was filled with vivid illustrations that made Guy's gray eyes grow wide in shock and awe. With each page, he grew more and more excited, flipping the book back and forth to study all of the angles and positions involved.</p><p>Their wedding night would be interesting, Marian surmised.</p><p>Guy stood on the bed without a single stitch of clothing on, and carefully bent forward, placing his hands on the foot board. Marian quickly jumped on his back and began rocking herself back and forth like Guy had showed her earlier.</p><p>"Are we having sex yet?" Marian asked her husband.<br/>"No, something isn't right." He told her, as she stopped rocking. "Where's the book again?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Evil Thing

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** I started this one for [](http://rh-drabblefest.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://rh-drabblefest.livejournal.com/)**rh_drabblefest** 2009, but I couldn't get it finished. It was based on the Guy/Marian; sex ed. prompt.
> 
> Evil Thing = Kama Sutra. ;)

The Evil Thing had been a wedding gift from Will and Djaq, who had brought the strange, heavy and handwritten book with them when they visited from the Holy Land. Neither Guy nor Marian were able to read one single word of the book, but it was filled with vivid illustrations that made Guy's gray eyes grow wide in shock and awe. With each page, he grew more and more excited, flipping the book back and forth to study all of the angles and positions involved.

Their wedding night would be interesting, Marian surmised.

Guy stood on the bed without a single stitch of clothing on, and carefully bent forward, placing his hands on the foot board. Marian quickly jumped on his back and began rocking herself back and forth like Guy had showed her earlier.

"Are we having sex yet?" Marian asked her husband.  
"No, something isn't right." He told her, as she stopped rocking. "Where's the book again?"

Marian hopped off of Guy and picked the Evil Thing off of their night table. She handed it to Guy, who had knelt down onto the bed. He quickly flipped to the first illustration, and began studying it carefully.

"Okay, I think I see what we're doing wrong. I'm upside down." He told her.  
"Are you sure?" Marian asked, looking at the book. "The one on the bottom looks like the woman."  
"I'm pretty sure that's a man." Guy responded.  
"Then why does he have boobies?" Marian asked him, pointing at the picture.  
"Men have little boobies! And nipples! See?!" Exclaimed Guy, pointing to his own chest.

Marian giggled at her husband.

"I still say that is a woman. I should know, having stared at my own body my whole life, after all!" Marian joked.  
Guy smirked at her derisively. "Oh yes. Just rub that in, why don't you..." He said, cracking a uneven smile. Marian chuckled.  
"We'll try it your way first, Guy." Marian told him, taking the Evil Thing from him and placing it on the foot board. "Mostly, because I desperately want to see you do a back-bend."

Guy smirked at her, raising his eyebrows. He stood up, stepped to the middle of the bed and skillfully bent himself backwards, catching his hands on the foot board of the bed.

"Impressive." Said Marian, nodding her head at Guy's perfect back-bend. "Now what?"  
"Um...I guess you just jump right in, Marian... ** _OOF!_** " He yelled as Marian came crashing down onto his chest. "I did not mean that literally, my love." He said, wheezing.  
"Sorry, Guy." Marian frowned, as she pecked him on the cheek.

_**CRACK!** _

"Oh dear." Marian whispered. "I didn't break anything important, did I?"  
"No, Marian. You can't break those parts. They're quite fleshy and..." Guy tried to assure her, but he was cut off.  
"That's not what I meant, Guy." She replied, blushing.

**_CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!_ **

Guy and Marian stared at each other in horror. "Uh-oh." They said in unison.

Suddenly, the foot board broke down the middle and fell apart, crashing onto the floor loudly. The bed fell, and Guy and Marian toppled backwards onto the hard, cold wooden floor. The Evil Thing, which had been rocketed into the air, came crashing down directly onto Guy's head. The heavy book knocked him silly, and he fell over, cracking his head hard against the floor.

"GUY!" Marian yelled, as she climbed over one of the fallen bedposts to reach him. She tried to stir him, but he was out cold. Marian cradled his head in her arms gently, eyeing the Evil Thing, which laid next to him, evilly.

"Stupid evil thing," Marian growled, picking up the book with her hand and tossing it furiously across the room. "At the rate it's going, I will be a widow before I'm even a wife."


End file.
